Word of the Day - Use it in a sentence

capuchin

Word of the Day - Use it in a sentence

foment

Word of the Day - Use it in a sentence

anthropomorphism
blog

Old, fat and Phlegmish

Pop Quiz!
Name the color of the crap I've been coughing up for the past month.

I feel like an old man with liverspots and gout with the way I've been hacking for a month now. It started as a nasty cold, and is now an annoying cough, with a bit of gunk thrown in for extra measure. How sexy must this be at work:

*ring ring* *ring ring*
--tim picks up the phone--
Thank you for...hack cough snort growl hack spit cough up a gopher... calling. How can I help you?
*click*
--tim hangs up the phone--

I think I'm winning over customers right and left with this cold. Who doesn't want to be near a dying walrus? I've been trying to cough up the rainbow of fruit flavors. I think so far I have managed ROYGB and am only missing IV. I must be awesome for people on acid to watch, what with all the wretching and colors I'm better than seeing Floyd.
Now go have dinner.

Word of the Day - Use it in a sentence

morose

Word of the Day - Use it in a sentence

munificence (look it up)

If you love me you'll do it

There is an awesome show that is going to be at the Merriwether Post Pavilion on June 8. A double bill of The Killers and Keane. The only two new bands that I am passionate about. The tickets cost a whopping $45 each. Come on now, let me feel you generosity.

“Blinded by the light” or “Excuse me while I whip this out”

I think it is time to retire the groundhog and initiate a new mascot as the harbinger of spring. My vote would be for my neighbor. Let’s call him Mr. Wilson. Mr. Wilson is a very old, very white man who of course loves to do his lawn work. Hell, he’s retired, what else does he do?

Why should Mr. Wilson be the new prognosticator of spring?

Here’s why. Mr. Wilson has the uncanny ability to start wearing shorts while it is still cold out, but right before it starts to get warm. I don’t know if he is the Old Farmer of Almanack fame or what, but his ability to unveil his pasty white legs before anybody else has near clock-like precision with the coming of warmer weather. So from now on, let’s just eat the hedgehog and keep some cameras aimed at Mr. Wilson’s door. As soon as you see the sun reflecting off his bone white legs, spring is coming.

For those of you who are fans of thehotlibrarian.blogspot.com (as all of you should be) she recently had a list of unanswered questions. I cannot stand unanswered questions, and will be doing my “research” to get to the bottom of each and every one of them. If you have any other questions let me know.

If we have 20-20 hindsight, shouldn't we walk backwards?

Raise your hand if you are an idiot walking (hobbling) around with a broken toe.






Sorry, I had to put my hand down to type.

I would like to say that my broken toe is the result of some heroic efforts. Maybe I was saving 30 handicapped school children from a burning bus that was inches away from falling of a crumbling bridge into water infested with sharks (with friggin laser beams). Or maybe I had to help several old ladies cross the street during a local running of the bulls. I'd even be happy with something like tripping on a log as I helped a doomed worm cross a very large sidewalk.

But no.

I make a spectacular fool of myself. Thankfully it was only in front of my son. So the little guy was sitting in a dining room chair. He wasn't doing anything bad (like the writing in ballpoint pen all over our couch on Thursday) yet. But I had asked him, and then told him to get down from the chair. Now I was going to be the big daddy, take him out of the chair myself and put him in the corner. That would show him right. On my fantastic voyage I drove my foot into the wooden leg of a heavy, squishy, well upholstered La-Z Boy recliner (go to La-Z-Boy, mention this blog and get nothing off the purchase of your next overpriced piece of furniture). When I say drove my foot into it, the recliner moved a good 4 inches from the force of this one mighty metatarsal. After the crashing, I fell onto the recliner almost knocking it and a high chair to the floor and started to cry like a little girl...All while the sweet little menace sat peacefully in the dining room chair. (If you have ever seen Monsters Inc, there is the one scene where Mike Wazowski is tring to get back little Mikey, and does his crash into the garbage can, this would be a very similar picture)

At this point in the evening, my toe is swollen to the size of a baby carrot, is a nicely mottled purple color and is taped to the two surrounding toes. Not that it needs to be taped for support. It is swollen to the point where it is firmly crammed in between the other toes. It's not going anywhere without the other two.

So now, as I type this entry, in order to try to alleviate the throbbing, I have to sit with my left leg tossed up on the desk and now look like some kind of cat-man trying to lick himself.

Stop Laughing.

The rest of you can stop raising your hand now.

Word of the Day - Use it in a Sentence

metatarsal

Word of the Day - Use it in a sentence

diode
dissemination
miscegenation

NAME THAT TUNE!

DUMM DUMM DUMM DUMM DEE DAH, DUM DEE DA. (think sci-fi)

Word of the Day - Use it in a sentence

Incontinent

Word(s) of the Day - Use it in a sentence

Here are a few (make that several) that are actually places.
Oolagah
Quetzacoatl
Plano
Takoma

Should they be mad?

Are the people who buy stickers aware that they are always paying "sticker price"?

I know I was lax this weekend in posting, I will make up for it today.

Word of the Day - Use it in a sentence

olefactory

Word(s) of the Day - Use it in a sentence

Parsnip
Hegemony

Shameless

Hey, if any of you are drinking Pepsi products and are still getting those caps for free itunes songs, can you pass those codes along? You know you won't really use them.

Off in the corner...

One of the... how's the best (most PC) way to put this... attention grabbing headlines from the past week of the Pope ordeal came from AOL. I apologize for not having a photographic memory, but it was pretty close to "Pope's health wanes, faithful are praying." I take a look at that and it strikes me a couple ways. One way I see it is "faithful are praying, so whay are you checking your email you unholy beast! get on your knees and pray for that Pope! He will only live if everybody claps really loud and hard!" The other thought that hit me was "faithful are praying, unfaithful are too busy touching themselves." I don't have anything against the Pope and I don't think that he endorsed the headlines himself, but come on. If you are going to report on Mr. Holy of Holies you gotta make your headlines a little more bulletproof than that. Or maybe they did it on purpose... "faithful are praying, unfaithful are making fun of this headline..."

Word of the Day - Use it in a sentence

Truncated/truncate/truncates - any one

Word of the Day - Use it in a sentence

Weeble People

Go pee right now. This is a long one.

I'm sorry for this one boys and girls. I was thinking of today's Word of the Day and thought of a good one, but started playing on my own while driving in to work. I'm addicted like an alcoholic; normal people do it socially, but I do it on my own when nobody is there? Anyway, I got a little carried away with it and here you go.

perfunctory
1. "Perfunctor! He hardly even knows her." (I had to do that one, it was just too easy, and one of my all time favorites.

2. (this one is a little long)

Miles Jeppson walks into a nearly empty room. Standing in a dimly lit far corner is Peter Gerbos. Feverishly waving his arms and apparently oblivious to the entrance of Mr. Jeppson, Peter appears to be an odd looking love child of Seinfeld's Kramer and Albert Einstein. He is quite tall and lanky with wild white hair and bushy white eyebrows. Not wanting to interrupt an obviously passionate...something, Miles trys to clear his throat and cough, but Peter is still living in his head. Miles finally interrupts, "Mr. Gerbos. Pardon me Mr. Gerbos." As mild and understated as this interruption is, Peter gets thrown back into reality with such a force as to knock him flailing to the floor.
"What! What do you want! God damnit I'm working here!" Peter rushes towards Miles with a great flurry of gestures.
Miles starts backing towards the door as if he has just encountered a dangerous animal. "Mr. Gerbos, my apologies. I was asked to meet you at this time by your publicist. I'm sure this is the time we talked about... need I return at a different time?"
Peter grabs Miles by the arm and throws him into an old chair like your grandmother was fond of. "No no no. My apologies. Maria is an idiot. She will be fired immediately. Maria! MARIA! HERE! NOW!!" Frantic footsteps are heard followed by a shrill "COMING!"
A tall and attractive teenage girl with spiky pink hair bursts breathlessly into the room. "What!"
"You're fired!"
"Great! There goes my car money."
"Go back upstairs and tell Mum to send down Eva."
"Whatever." Maria heads back upstairs looking oddly relieved, although it is beginning to seem like odd is the reigning description of this encounter.
"Now! That is settled. Tell me who you are and what you are here for."
Miles pulls out a notebook and cautiously replies, "Well, Mr. Gerbos... I am Miles Jeppson, Arts reporter for The Flyer. I was told that you had an upcoming performance and retrospective coming up. I am a little confused though. I have been reporting in the arts for almost 35 years and I... I am sorry to say... I am not familiar with your work, or even what field you are in."
Very calmly Peter took a seat in another chair across from Miles. "I'm a Perfunctor" he replied.
Miles was perhaps the most confused that he had been so far in his short visit. "A Perfunctor?" he asked. "What...what does a Perfunctor DO?"
"A Perfunctor eliminates the need for an orchestra. With classical music everybody knows what the music is supposed to sound like and have their favorite performance memorized. An orchestra is only set up to fail in such circumstances. Will one more performance of a Mozart concerto change a concert goer's mind of what makes it good? No, they will just listen and point out every out of place timpani or a pianissimo that should have been only piano. What they really come to see is the conductor."
"So you are a conductor," Miles said feeling he finally understood.
"No. I am a Perfunctor elite. I am more than a conductor, I am the show, a performing conductor."
"But wouldn't that make you a Perfuct..."
"Ah Ah Ah Mr. Jeppson. There are ladies in the house. You see my problems with a title. I like to say that I put the 'fun' in 'Perfunctor'...esentially because I did. You see, when I perform, an audience member brings with them an ideal performance of the music, and I do not take that away from them. I provide the best performance of the conducting that they have ever seen. They remember their favorite performance and I enhance it. They might say 'There is nothing more powerful than Mahler's 5th performed by Peter Gerbos.' Now I am the performer and the art instead of the orchestra."

to be continued...