Go pee right now. This is a long one.

I'm sorry for this one boys and girls. I was thinking of today's Word of the Day and thought of a good one, but started playing on my own while driving in to work. I'm addicted like an alcoholic; normal people do it socially, but I do it on my own when nobody is there? Anyway, I got a little carried away with it and here you go.

perfunctory
1. "Perfunctor! He hardly even knows her." (I had to do that one, it was just too easy, and one of my all time favorites.

2. (this one is a little long)

Miles Jeppson walks into a nearly empty room. Standing in a dimly lit far corner is Peter Gerbos. Feverishly waving his arms and apparently oblivious to the entrance of Mr. Jeppson, Peter appears to be an odd looking love child of Seinfeld's Kramer and Albert Einstein. He is quite tall and lanky with wild white hair and bushy white eyebrows. Not wanting to interrupt an obviously passionate...something, Miles trys to clear his throat and cough, but Peter is still living in his head. Miles finally interrupts, "Mr. Gerbos. Pardon me Mr. Gerbos." As mild and understated as this interruption is, Peter gets thrown back into reality with such a force as to knock him flailing to the floor.
"What! What do you want! God damnit I'm working here!" Peter rushes towards Miles with a great flurry of gestures.
Miles starts backing towards the door as if he has just encountered a dangerous animal. "Mr. Gerbos, my apologies. I was asked to meet you at this time by your publicist. I'm sure this is the time we talked about... need I return at a different time?"
Peter grabs Miles by the arm and throws him into an old chair like your grandmother was fond of. "No no no. My apologies. Maria is an idiot. She will be fired immediately. Maria! MARIA! HERE! NOW!!" Frantic footsteps are heard followed by a shrill "COMING!"
A tall and attractive teenage girl with spiky pink hair bursts breathlessly into the room. "What!"
"You're fired!"
"Great! There goes my car money."
"Go back upstairs and tell Mum to send down Eva."
"Whatever." Maria heads back upstairs looking oddly relieved, although it is beginning to seem like odd is the reigning description of this encounter.
"Now! That is settled. Tell me who you are and what you are here for."
Miles pulls out a notebook and cautiously replies, "Well, Mr. Gerbos... I am Miles Jeppson, Arts reporter for The Flyer. I was told that you had an upcoming performance and retrospective coming up. I am a little confused though. I have been reporting in the arts for almost 35 years and I... I am sorry to say... I am not familiar with your work, or even what field you are in."
Very calmly Peter took a seat in another chair across from Miles. "I'm a Perfunctor" he replied.
Miles was perhaps the most confused that he had been so far in his short visit. "A Perfunctor?" he asked. "What...what does a Perfunctor DO?"
"A Perfunctor eliminates the need for an orchestra. With classical music everybody knows what the music is supposed to sound like and have their favorite performance memorized. An orchestra is only set up to fail in such circumstances. Will one more performance of a Mozart concerto change a concert goer's mind of what makes it good? No, they will just listen and point out every out of place timpani or a pianissimo that should have been only piano. What they really come to see is the conductor."
"So you are a conductor," Miles said feeling he finally understood.
"No. I am a Perfunctor elite. I am more than a conductor, I am the show, a performing conductor."
"But wouldn't that make you a Perfuct..."
"Ah Ah Ah Mr. Jeppson. There are ladies in the house. You see my problems with a title. I like to say that I put the 'fun' in 'Perfunctor'...esentially because I did. You see, when I perform, an audience member brings with them an ideal performance of the music, and I do not take that away from them. I provide the best performance of the conducting that they have ever seen. They remember their favorite performance and I enhance it. They might say 'There is nothing more powerful than Mahler's 5th performed by Peter Gerbos.' Now I am the performer and the art instead of the orchestra."

to be continued...